WHAT IS YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE?

I wrote an article on this topic for the Hare Krishna News (a bi-monthly newsletter) here in Durban and just thought that this topic is never irrelevant.  As a parent myself, I find that most of the time I am running around after my girls, and now with both of them being a formal school – I have to keep a schedule for their activities.  It is a huge adjustment for me as a mum, can only imagine how the little one copes with the pressure that comes with Grade 1.  The best gift to her is certainly MY TIME.  She is not in want of anything more – just quality time with me and that makes her extremely happy. 

This blog will focus on the self-less love that a parent offers a child.  It is so important to offer importance to this topic as at school, we see how parental involvement is essential in the holistic development of children. An interesting spin on the month of love, but certainly a relevant one which can make a huge difference in the happiness, academic and sporting success of our children and their day to day well-being. 

The 5 Love Languages based on the lessons from Gary Chapman’s book, one has to identify the inherit primary love language a child reaches out for.  All children have their own way of expression, their own temperament, character and longing for a specific type of affection from their parents. 

Love language 1: Words of Affirmation

We sometimes take words as simple and therefore neglect positive affirmations.  However, the three words “I love you” has a huge impact on a child and can turn a bad day into a really good one.  On the flip side, insults and comparing one child to another can leave a lasting impression in the child’s mind and heart which will create a sense of unworthiness and sadness for a long time to come.  Many children will not immediately express themselves, but will carry nasty and hurtful words with them.   Therefore use positive words of affirmation to encourage, express love and cheer the child on to be brighter and better.

Love language 2: Quality Time

Parents are busy and schedules are tight.  Do we spend quality time with our children or are we talking to them whilst we multi-task?  Research shows that quality time spent with a child is one of the most sought after primary needs for any child.  There is no monetary value attached to this – just time offered to the child in a place that is comfortable with no disturbance and focus is solely on the child.  This means that the mobile device is not at your reach, the telly is switched off, kitchen utensils are put away and 100% attention offered to the child.  A parent will notice that the duration of this quality time is not as significant as the lasting impact it has on a child.  Even a short time each day will be great.

Love language 3: Receiving Gifts

This is not material.  It reaches out to a primary love language that a child seeks.  A small thoughtful token, a reward for an achievement and even a treat to a particular place that a child enjoys will tap into their hearts.  Some children long to receive a token that they will treasure and this shows them that their parent did take the time to think about offering them something special.

Love language 4: Acts of service

Many parents do not fall short in this love language.  However, maybe a parent can offer to do that one extra item for the child which will add a smile to their day. Perhaps the child battles to carry their heavy school bag to the car every morning, but one morning mum or dad surprises them and offers to carry it to the car – it may sound simple but if this is the primary love language a child seeks then it will put a smile on their face for the rest of the day, and the parent will hear about it after the busy day.  Some children do chores at home from washing dishes to even washing their own clothes – a small treat to relieve them of this every now and again will just spark a special feeling.

Love language 5: Physical touch

A hug can relieve any sadness. The physical bond with children occur from within the womb, to birth and continues through the years thereafter.  Holding a child’s hand,  a hug in the morning or before bedtime – these simple gestures will make a difference.  We must note that abuse and neglect are unforgivable and therefore are wary of this. As parents we must always be cautious of touch even from close family and friends – nothing is impossible.

Let us embrace this special journey of parenting and grow with our children…